Thursday, January 28, 2016

Watched: Just Pals

Um, I kind of get the Buck Rogers thing. He was pretty attractive. This is a very simple film filled with a bunch of iconic western imagery and a heavily made-up (but still very handsome) Rogers doing an Appatowan manchild thing WAY before Appatow made it a thing with a label. It's only an hour long (point in its favor) and some of the interstitial cards are actually pretty funny. Not bad.

Sick burn.










From its inception, people have used the medium of film to capture the timeless cuteness of kittens.
  

Those guns!



Classic western iconography.



Another classic trope.





Happy ending, much like a Judd Apatow film includes: female love interest breaking it off with her jerk boyfriend, man coming to accept responsibility (adopted orphan boy), growing up as indicated by his wardrobe/grooming habits, and his community banding together to find some way he can retain his boyish, fun-loving ways while also earning money like a Real Man™.

Watched: Dark Prince: The True Story of Dracula (TV movie)

This is... not good enough to be good and not bad enough to be enjoyable. It's a bland, no-man's-land of a made for TV movie with almost interesting performances (except for the lead Rudolf Martin who plays Vlad as perpetually brooding and sullen, one of the flattest performances I've seen in a long time). There are so many Dracula/Vlad the Impaler movis out there in the world to watch, the only reasons to watch this one are these:

Love a good (stupid) opening title sequence.
  1. Pretty sure at least some of this was filmed on location in Eastern/Central Europe because there are a ton of outdoor shots and the scenery looks right. It looks good.
  2. ROBOCOP (Peter Weller) plays an Orthodox priest with a delightfully fake and sculpted-looking beard who (plot twist spoilers!) has actually been plotting against Vlad his whole life and plays the Judas to Vlad's Jesus figure.
  3. ROGER DALTREY PLAYS THE KING OF HUNGARY, WHAT? WHY?! Prior to this I was not even aware the man had an acting career, turns out he has been acting with some consistency since the late '70's. Huh. The more you know. Also, Roger Daltrey's performance = least attempt ever made to even remotely resemble a Hungarian accent. Everyone else is kind of going for Eastern European (the star, Rudolf Martin, is actually German so he just seems to mostly be doing that) but Daltrey clearly just made the decision at some point not to try despite everyone else's efforts. It's glorious.
  4. It's the kind of thing that, were it to show on TNT on a Sunday afternoon when you are incapacitated by a mighty hangover and dozing in-between rounds of burritos/pizzas/burgers/whatever ungodly further punishment you are subjecting your body to, I might suggest you leave on in the background for the hammy, bland fun of it. But there is no reason to seek this movie out otherwise.
Also, I'm not even going to attempt to answer for the historical accuracy of this film. Don't know, don't care.


Still, I'm pretty sure that's not what the map looked like at that time.

THIS. THIS IS OUR HERO. That forehead needs a [historically inaccurate] map of its own.
   


This forehead could be considered a new and previously undiscovered peak in the Balkans. Also, check out the hat thy make Daltrey wear. Sublime.
  
This actress (Jane March) gives a good enough performance as the woman destined to be Vlad's wife who basically goes insane from the amount of people he kills but HER. TEETH. AND. MOUTH. ARE. SO. DISTRACTING. I have compiled some shots here to try and examine what the actual fuck she is doing with her mouth and why:

Teeth.
  
TEETH.

I know she's supposed to be surprised in this scene because she thinks Vlad is dead and he comes back to the castle to run away with her, but.... CLOSE YOUR GODDAMN MOUTH.

CLOSE YOUR MOUTH.










Friday, January 15, 2016

Daytripping outside Hà Nội: Perfume Pagoda (Chùa Hương)


The day after our big Halloween bash (which was a day late because Halloween fell on a Saturday and most of my friends work a ton Saturday/Sunday, so we celebrated after finish the weekend grind on Sunday night), Dan and I took ourselves on a guided day trip outside of the city, to a site called Perfume Pagoda. Although the name suggests one lone structure it is actually a large complex of temples located in the Huong Tich mountains south of Hanoi. I decided to splurge on an all-inclusive tour as I was going to be spending all of November working seven days a week. And in fact, this (November 2) was my last day off until November 30. November was... a difficult month. So it was nice to have this at the beginning, and then afterwards I took myself on another fun little jaunt down to Ho Chi Minh City. But more on that later.

Dan giving classic Dan-face on the bus ride to Perfume Pagoda.





Roadside farms and cemeteries.

Limestone karsts alerted us we were getting close to our destination. Finally we stopped in a port town along the Đáy River (Sông Đáy) where we got into a small metal riverboat. It was about an hour's ride up the river to the entrance of the temple/pagoda complex. Our guide told us that the complex is a very popular location for pilgrimages and especially during the Vietnamese New Year, Tết, as many as 30 people will cram into a boat to make their way to the pagodas where hundreds or thousands often will stay for a week or so.


Thankfully November is a pretty quiet time for the temples so we sat about 10 or so to a boat and had most of the place to ourselves, with only a handful of other foreign and Vietnamese tourists wandering around.






As you can see, the weather did not start out amazingly although it did clear up later in the morning and turned into a pretty nice afternoon.

A footbridge over the river with the swastika being used for its original meaning, luck/eternity/good fortune. In the background: helpful riverside traffic sign.

Just a little daily affirmation from Uncle Ho on your way to the pagodas.

Our rower lady.


Lotuses? I think.

Riverside advertising.

Approaching the entrance.

Map of the temple/pagoda complex. Our guide explained the difference between and temple and a pagoda to us but it was a bit difficult to understand. I think what he was telling us is that a temple is like a place you go to ask for something from the Gods, as in a prayer, whereas a pagoda is a place where you go simply to enjoy and reflect quietly? Maybe. Do not quote me on this.

Den Trinh (Presentation Shrine)/ Den Quan Lon (Shrine of High-ranking Mandarin), one of the first structures you come across after entering.

Entrance to the Thien Tru Pagoda (Heaven's Kitchen). It was called this because when people used to make the pilgrimage to this complex in wooden boats in antiquity the ride would often take much longer, closer to 3 or 4 hours. This was true even for the emperor when he would come to pray here. So by the time they got to the temple they were quite hungry and would stop to eat at this first temple, meaning that there was always cooking and it always smelled (presumably) amazing. That plus its location-- already quite far up into the hills-- gave it the name.


Looking back down the path at all the vendors. A lot of stuff was closed because November is deep into the off-season. Apparently this place is only really bustling for Tet.


In the courtyard of Heaven's Kitchen.

Looking at the other side of the entrance.








Little turtle pond.








This was some fierce historical king who people worship to now because of his famed ruthlessness. Just one of several altars in the pagoda.



Living up to its name, we stopped for lunch after looking around Heaven's Kitchen. It was the standard set lunch stuff you get on these kinds of tours, although there was white fish which was quite nice. And as always, the ancient Vietnamese traditional cuisine, crinkle-cut french fries.



The largest and most terrifying wasp I have ever seen in my life. Can of Coca-Cola for scale.


"Sale off these animals for setting them free - Thanks to Buddha you're here!"
I have so many strong opinions about this practice and none of them are positive.
Also, "squirils". Good try. Better luck next time.

You have two choices after you get to Heaven's Kitchen. You can climb the many, many stairs up to Perfume Pagoda or you can take the cable car. Dan and I (well, mostly I, I kind of bullied Dan into it) decided to climb.

Storefronts that will open up in February shuttered and deserted.

Actually the saddest monkey in Asia. For a Buddhist location, there sure was an awful lot of animal cruelty up in this spot.

The entrance to the Chua Giai Oan (Clearing Unjust Charges) Pagoda that Dan and I decided to skip. We were on a mission.


But that didn't mean we didn't have time to stop and play with puppies! Dan of course pet the dogs who honestly all looked like they were suffering from the mange, scabies, dandruff, and every other skin disease known to man. Poor babies. Poor Dan.



More pathside vendors selling all manners of random Vietnamese things (many made in China).




Dried herbs/plants/porcupine needles.

Hey, nugget!

About halfway up the sun came out and although it was beautiful I began to long for the cable cars quietly trailing above our heads...


But then we made it! The entrance to Chua Trong (Inner Temple).

Getting to the top and seeing there are stairs leading down into the cave (with the knowledge that I will then have to climb back up them, when I thought it was all downhill from here): disheartening. Seeing the natural beauty of the cave and the serenity of the location: redeeming.


Dan giving Danface, judging me for taking photos of a place I came to in order to see/take photos, apparently.


Inside the cave/temple.



Altars.



Donation bowls.


We opted for the cable car back down.





Not panicking!





By the time we got back to the bottom I was definitely starting to get tired. Between staying out late the night before, waking up early to go to the hotel in Old Quarter where we picked up our bus, climbing up a mountain and then back up the stairs leading into the cave, I was pretty much ready to crash. I think Dan felt the same.

Buuuut we still had another boat ride back to our bus.

Chu Thu Beo means "fat nephew" and a bunch of the restaurants lining the path to the temples/pagodas are named this, I guess because it indicates that their food is gluttony-inducing.




Peaceful.

One more street dog for the road!

I fell asleep easily on the ride back to Hanoi and awoke to a massive amount of traffic which our driver circumvented by straight up doing a K-turn and driving against the flow of traffic in the middle of the highway in order to take a smaller, quieter back road into the city. It was amazing/terrifying/hilarious. All in all it was a nice day to an interesting if not thrilling spot. The tour was pretty well priced, only about $25 including the ride and lunch. Not a bad way to grab some enjoyment from your last day off for a month.