Watched: Dune

On DVD, over the weekend. Here's what I learned:

• Spice is life.
• But water is also life.
• He who controls the spice, controls the universe.
• He who controls the spice also BECOMES the center of the universe.
• The spice is the center of the universe.
• The worms are spice, and spice is the worms.
• He who controls the spice controls the worms.
• Thus, he who controls the worms becomes the center of the universe and also controls it.
• Intrusive, redundant voice overs do not make characters three dimensional or interesting.
• The sleeper must awaken.
• Fear is the mind-killer.
• Mood is a thing for cattle and love-play, not fighting.
• Relevant to the last point: Sir Patrick Stewart looks his best (which is to say: exactly the same as he has looked for the past three decades) when leading an army into battle with a silly laser gun in one arm and a pug in the other.
• Paul Atreides, aka Paul Muad'Dib, aka Usul aka the Kwisatz Haderach has the worst hair on Arakis (aka Dune, aka the desert planet, thanks movie, for reiterating these stupid points about 80 times but never bothering to explain other basic plot points) and possibly the worst hair in the universe.
• If you can destroy a thing, you can control a thing. Thus, the worms must be destroyed. Or controlled. Or harnessed and ridden like steeds into battle. Like they say, sometimes a cigar is just a simultaneously phallic and vaginal desert monster that can be used to smush your enemies.
• Tiny magical imp children are creepy as hell.

And this was just the short, 2hr 17min version!