A beautiful girl can make you dizzy, like you've been drinking Jack and Coke all morning. She can make you feel high full of the single greatest commodity known to man - promise. Promise of a better day. Promise of a greater hope. Promise of a new tomorrow. This particular aura can be found in the gait of a beautiful girl. In her smile, in her soul, the way she makes every rotten little thing about life seem like it's going to be okay. The supermodels, Willy? That's all they are. Bottled promise. Scenes from a brand new day. Hope dancing in stiletto heels.
Who knew? Probably everyone but me, right? I listened to that song hundreds, maybe even thousands of times, and never once realized it was from this movie. I'm glad I do now though, and I'm glad I watched this. It's a classic full of great performances and better dialogue. I'm not going to quote it line for line and while I can understand why TBS went with Paul's ode to unnattainably beautiful women, considering how it is the crux of the movie's message, as a feminist I'm going to have to go with the following monologue as my favorite scene. In it Rosie O'Donnell's Gina shuts down Timothy Hutton and Matt Dillon (this is long, but it's worth it):
I'm finished speaking to both of you okay? You're both fucking insane. You want to know what your problem is? MTV, Playboy, and Madison fucking Avenue. Yes. Let me explain something to you, ok? Girls with big tits have big asses. Girls with little tits have little asses. That's the way it goes. God doesn't fuck around; he's a fair guy. He gave the fatties big, beautiful tits and the skinnies little tiny niddlers. It's not my rule. If you don't like it, call him. Hey Mitch. Thank you.
[Looking at a porn magazine] Oh, guys, look what we have here. Look at this, your favorite. Oh, you like that?
Yeah, that's nice right? Well, it doesn't exist ok. Look at the hair. The hair is long, it's flowing, it's like a river. Well, it's a fucking weave ok? And the tits, please! I could hang my overcoat on them. Tits by design were invented to be suckled by babies. Yes, they're purely functional. These are silicon city. And look, my favorite, the shaved pubis. Pubic hair being too unruly and all. Very key. This is a mockery, this is a sham, this is bullshit. Implants, collagen, plastic, capped teeth, the fat sucked out, the hair extended, the nose fixed, the bush shaved... These are not real women, all right? They're beauty freaks. And they make all us normal women with our wrinkles, our puckered boobs (Hi bob.) and our cellulite feel somehow inadequate. Well I don't buy it, all right? But you fucking mooks, if you think that if there's a chance in hell that you'll end up with one of these women, you don't give us real women anything approaching a commitment. It's pathetic. I don't know what you think you're going to do. You're going to end up eighty-years old, drooling in some nursing home, then you're going to decide, it's time to settle down, get married, have kids? What, are you going to find a cheerleader? Charge it Mitch.
If you had an once of self-esteem, of self-worth, of self-confidence, you would realize that as trite as it may sound, beauty is truly skin-deep. And you know what, if you ever did hook one of those girls, I guarantee you'd be sick of her.
Rosie kills it, obviously. I really wish she still acted because she always plays these outspoken, amazing female characters. Remember her in Harriet the Spy? I basically wanted her be my babysitter for life. Or Sleepless in Seattle, or A League of their Own? She's a treasure. Come back to movies, Rosie. And not the Lifetime ones.
Natalie Portman. The movie's title is really not far off since there really are a lot of beautiful women in it, including Lauren Holly (speaking of those who have disappeared), Mira Sorvino, and Uma Thurman. Anyone who likes Richard Russo novels or remembers growing up in a small town as bittersweet will probably love this.
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