Some Other Stuff From Canada

Wee Scottish neighbors.

HUGE muthafuckin' toad.

NATURE.

WTF (Rutgers Style)

Seriously? SERIOUSLY? Now you're just fucking with my head.

Also,

My new camera! $5 at some antique store in Maynooth, Ontario. Now I need to find some 8mm film and take this puppy for a spin.

Millionaire's Island...

A shaky little film made with my camera while kayaking with my Pops. Oh, Canada...

...

I really thought that the cake had been taken back during winter break when hulu was frequently airing the banking ad with this individual-

Gross, right? I was almost equally disturbed by a visibly aged and possibly crack-addled Alton Brown...

When did he become so unfortunate? But no. I was wrong. Those ads are small fries, to be scoffed at and then ignored. They are nothing compared to possibly the most insidious, disgusting, and weird image I've seen in a long time. Behold, an advertisement I experienced earlier today on surfthechannel.com-

Feel free to stare. Experience it. Revel. Allow the horror to really dawn on you, and then feel free to go wash out your eyeballs with lye. But never fear! This thing cannot be unseen.

In an attempt to cleanse my mental pallete I have rewatched the trailer for 3:15: Showdown at Lincoln High: A Time to Die (I have no idea which one of these is the real title) and-

Mmm. DON'T WALK ON ME BRO. Adam Baldwin as Jeff Hanna... I will find you. Even if it means buying you on VHS and finding someone's grandmother who still owns a VCR, I will find you.

I'M NOT YOUR BITCH!

Three of my favorite things:

1. Food-based entertainment

2. Gordon Ramsey, total bastard and kind of my hero for caring so much about the quality of his food (even if he is fairly sexist)

3. COCO <3

Lady.

She's moved onto that giant pillow in the sky, where she can snore and fart and dream about chasing bunnies that she can actually CATCH for the rest of days. She was a weird dog, but she had a lot of personality and I loved her a lot.

I watched all of D.C. Cab and all I got was this stupid screenshot.

On the other hand... worth it.

I'm the villian in like, a vegan western. Your broccoli won't save you now!

Wow, you two are a match made in a very frightening part of heaven.

So, after watching two seasons of Chuck (which is how I prefer to digest my television: in large, uninterrupted blocks of time sans comercials) I have come to the conclusion that while the show is mostly a fluffy comedy about a normal, somewhat meek "Nerd Herder" (read: Geek Squad employee) working at a "Buy More" (which is so close to basically being Best Buy that I'm surprised they haven't found a way to claim some sort of copyright infringement) who gets a computer downloaded (uploaded?) into his brain and thus becomes an essential tool for cracking all the international crime of which his home, Los Angeles, coincidentally seems to become a hotbed. That sentence was literally the most awkward thing I've ever written but bear with me.

I've come to a realization. I can't promise it's a particularly original ephiphony, but I think there's a chance Chuck is a thinly veiled morality play, showing off the seven deadly sins in action. So heregoes:

• LUSTBig Mike not only cheated on his wife with the wife of the first season's Buy More manager, Harry Tang, but he also took out a lot of his post-divorce frustration on his employees. Plus, in the second season he's totally banging Morgan's mom and is kind of gross with how open his about it with Morgan.
  
  




• WRATHChuck kind of says it best in Chuck vs. The Sensei when he explains, "Casey doesn't have a calm center. He has more of an angry center." Casey appears to spend his time mostly cleaning his weapons, drinking booze, growling, grunting, being mean to Chuck, making fun of Chuck, yelling at Chuck, pretending to work at the Buy More (which, incidentally, makes him angry), being my new inappropriately-aged crush, pruning his little bonzai tree, and being angry with Chuck.
  
  
  
  


• GREEDBesides playing one of my all-time favorite characters from one of my all-time favorite shows, Tony Hale is also amazing as the power-hungry, tyrannical Emmett Milbarge. He often plays the Buy More employees off one another for his own political (in the Buy More hierarchical sense) gain and even made his way to the top, stealing Big Mike's position as store manager.
  

• PRIDEThis was a tough one to think of and maybe a bit of a stretch, but I went with Chuck's sister, Ellie. I almost went with her fiance, Captain Awesome, except that he seems to be such a nice, considerate guy that desite his good lucks, obvious brains, and unironic enthusiasm for all things extreme/athletic/"awesome" he just doesn't work. Ellie, however, does have some pride over the maturity her life has reached; she's in a promise longterm career, a steady relationship, and a nice home. And what she seems to want most of all is for Chuck to just grow up already.
  

• SLOTHThis one was almost too easy. The whole reason Chuck's best friend, Morgan Grimes, took his job at the Buy More (and why Ellie is opposed to them moving in together) is because he can do a minimal amount of work for maximum amount of perks (gadgets, video games, being close to Chuck, etc.). He loves video games, he loves nerd lore, he loves Chuck (like, a LOT), and most importantly, he loves being a slacker. Enough to fight pretty hard to keep the job that allows him to maintain slackerdom, as seen when he calls Lester's chore wheel bluff. Plus he gets all the best lines. One of my favorite pieces of dialogue from the show:

Morgan: Alright, listen, look at me. In all honesty, and I hope you know this... but I've always been of the mind that you were destined for great things. Whatever you wanna do, you can do. Senator, President... Emperor of the Known Universe... whatever you want to do. You understand?
Chuck: Yeah. I do.
Morgan: BUT... before you go running off to change the world, I think I should tell you that I'm currently on my way to securing forty-five Twinkies. Now, by which I mean forty-five BAGS of Twinkies.
Chuck: Why would you do that?
Morgan: Good question. Because Jeff said he'd eat all of them in under three minutes. Now he thinks he's eating forty-five, but, technically speaking, he's going to eat ninety.
Chuck: Ninety?!
Morgan: Yeah.
Chuck: Nobody can eat ninety Twinkies.
Morgan: That's what I said. See, he may die! Or at least do extreme damage to several major organs.
Chuck: This I have to see.
Casey: Good to see you, Bartowski.
Chuck: Hey! Ninety Twinkies in three minutes! Be there!
Morgan: JEFF MIGHT DIE! [Casey turns around and runs after Morgan and Chuck]

• ENVY & GLUTTONYLeeeester. Lester is another one of my favorites. I think, basically, all the Buy More employees (and Casey) get the best lines on this show. Which I guess makes sense, since they're the ones who get to be snarky nerds, which is to say... they're my people. I tried to find a good picture of Lester without Jeff (bald guy behind him), but it's pretty difficult. Which works out fine, anyway, since they're the two final sins. Lester is envy because although on any given day he does just as much scheming as Milbarge or Grimes, it's usually wildy unsuccessful and often in the hopes of attaining something his peers have (the computer Orion sends Chuck, Big Mike's marlin, Sarah). Jeff is gluttony because he's a quasi-functioning alcoholic (if working at the Buy More qualifies any of these characters as functioning). The more he references his drinking the skeezier he gets, and the creepier he gets, the more I sort of love him.

Thus is my loving homage to one of my new favorite shows, Chuck. Yes I am late on the bandwagon, because that's how I roll. It's also got a great soundtrack and besides the underlying lessons to be learned (the first of which: do not become Jeff) it's extremely entertaining. In other news, the sky is purple tonight. Light Pollution or Second Coming?