No Movies.

Just Lost. Hours and hours of Lost. Did you know the first five season are on Netflix Instant? Did you know that once you watch the first one you are contractually obligated to watch ALL of them? This is true.

Watched: Love is the Devil: Study for a Portrait of Francis Bacon

So I picked this movie to watch last night because I have recently decided that I woud like to watch all of Tilda Swinton's movies. I started on this one because, well, I like Francis Bacon's paintings, so why not? I remembered seeing one of his paintings at the MoMA a few years back, which I broke the rules to photograph (oh yeah, I'm bad to the bone, did you know that?). It's very haunting I think, not unlike Love is the Devil. Although the movie gets a little boring in some parts, and I could stare at this all day.

Now I did try to do this earlier, watching all of an actor's films, with Clint Eastwood's body of work. The problem that I ran into of course, is that Eastwood only really plays about three different people: an outlaw, a cop, or a caricature of one or both. All of his characters have something to do with these elements: he's either fighting the man, he is the man, or he is some nudge-nudge wink-wink version of one or both of those. It got kind of boring. Also, he gets decreasingly hot after the '80s. Thus ended the love affair, although he'll always be Blondie/Joe to me!

Anyway. Love is the Devil. Interesting movie, sort of abstract, in some ways reminded me of that film Dahmer that came out a while back, the one that starred pre-Hurt Locker Jeremy Renner, in that it's a deeply introspective character study. There is a lot of dream sequence, contemplative voiceover, symbolically posed tableaus. It's a story about one man's disintegration when faced with love, especially when the nature of that love is... complicated. Tilda shows up as a total kook, some pot-bellied, mangled-tooth local at Bacon's bar where he spends most of his time getting drunk and saying mean, clever things to his friends. But really, this woman is a true chamelon.
Awesome. And she's not afraid to get ugly. Because she is FUG in this movie. Those eyebrows! I'm not even showing you the teeth. You should thank me for that.

Less awful? Young, fucking ridiculously hot Daniel Craig, who plays Bacon's lover, George Dyer. There's actually a bathtub scene in which Craig shows it ALL and which I did not take a picture of mostly because I feel a little weird about putting nudity on here, you know, lest the rents ever stumble upon it but... man. He looks good. And he's in a state of undress for most of the movie, as he should be with those arms.

The director, John Maybury, also did The Jacket which I kind of liked and think got a bad rap because people were expecting Adrien Brody to do like, The Pianist 2: Electric Boogaloo, as well as The Edge of Love. He seems to like Tilda and Keira, and I in turn like him for liking them.
What I also like: his use of fish-eye and blurring effect for the barroom scenes, which I think goes a long way in creating the heady, lazy, dingy atmosphere that Bacon loved. A lot of these scenes were done normally, but sometimes he would transition from somewhere else to the bar with this kind of shot, and it kind of looks like you're watching the crowd through a glass of booze or something. I like it. I remember watching a documentary on Bacon in one of Al Nigrin's classes, which Wikipedia tells me was called The Gilded Gutter Life of Francis Bacon, in which he visits the bar and the camera crew follows him. It had a feel very similar to the picture above.

So yeah. Liked this. Excited to see what else Tilda's got up her sleeve.

Watched: Aimee & Jaguar

Illicit love. Queer culture. Nazis. Self-discovery. Persecution. Choosing the moment that you stop blending with the crowd and pursue happiness instead, even if it costs you everything.

Whoa!

I... changed some things. I don't really feel I am a lostronaut anymore. Not that I still don't love the word or the concept, just that I like this one better. So go... me! Go on with my bad self. Don't mind if I do. Why am I up so late? Nothing good ever comes from me blogging at this hour. Okay, back to posting stills from movies I've watched while making jokes to amuse myself.

I'm doing important things here. God's work, you might say. I know I would.

Watched: Tuvalu

Absurdities. The importance of hope, of dreams. Evoking silent-era, German expressionist style of filmmaking. Simple. Sweet. Quirky.

Watched: Terminator Salvation

WHAT ARE YOU!!!!1!! (Overacting). Handsome handsomeness. Moon Bloodgood both looking hot and being kind of a badass. Ron Howard's daughter being useless and boring. General plot stupidity- I think the giant, deafeningly loud robot sneaking up on the gas shack is well acknowledged by now, but also the general uselessness of John Connor's character is... dumb.... And the whole transplant at the end, what? What the fuck. To the whole thing.


And yet...I may need to watch it again. Y'know, just to make sure I didn't miss anything. Worthington. WHO SAID THAT? That was not me. Surely I am not the kind of girl who will endure of a litany of mind-numbingly bad films just to ogle the object of my affections.

What's that you say? Yes, I have seen D.C. Cab. Yes, and Life as a House, why do you ask? Private Resort? Why would you bring that up? That had some... thematic... the aesthetics were... there were some slapstick bits that.... Okay. Slinking away in shame now.

Watched: Only You

How to Know If You Are Watching a Second-Rate Romantic Comedy from the 90's: A Guide

This guy (in the hat) makes an appearance. Bonus points if he's romantically involved with... anyone. (EDIT: After watching all 6 seasons of Lost I can officially say: MINKOWKSI! If only I knew while watching this how sort of likeable and ultimately forgettable you would be on that show, it would... be basically exactly the same as your role here. Well played, Fisher Stevens.)

There is a scene of comfily outfitted woman noshing while watching a romantic black and white film. (They're watching South Pacific.) Again, bonus points if that red-headed woman front and center plays the weird, single friend.


Marisa Tomei stars. Bonnie Hunt is her supporting actress. Bonus points for sporting a Monica (a la the Scream era) and an early Phoebe. Super extra bonus points if you know what I'm talking about. Oh, and black shoulder-padded women suits. This is the fucking '90s alright.


Billy Zane makes an appearance as a dashing but not-what-he-seems suitor who turns out to be, despite all that handsome up in there, fairly unappealing. Bonus points if he's bald, and if Marisa Tomei is wearing what amounts to be a white dress/jumper with cutouts to make it look like she's wearing a belly shirt. (Super duper bonus points if that's the same basic dress design that she wears more or less for the whole fucking movie.)

Either of these sunglasses are worn.

Robert Downey Jr. is slumming as the wide-eyed, sweet romantic lead. Bonus points if he doesn't look like he's in the claws of a spiraling drug problem.

Marisa Tomei really actually looks absolutely gorgeous. Bonus points if there are stupid/cheesy bits involving local "folklore" from whatever country she's visiting.

A tiny neck handkerchief that perfectly matches the "hilarious" tiny car is worn. Bonus points if the whole reason they are in said car is due to the bordering-on-psychotic disillusionment of said tiny neck kerchief wearer.

That being said (or vented, as it were), I have to admit I was charmed. But mostly because RDJ can make anything palatable. Marisa Tomei's character made me want to throw her or myself off one of those Venetian vistas she so liked, but that's about par for course with me and romantic comedies.

Watched: Women in Trouble

Hystrionics. Sex-less sex scenes. A few funny one-liners. Questions of exploitation. Porn-ish acting. A general feeling of meh. My favorite part was the credit sequence, which doesthis collage effect that gets called back during transitions between plotlines. Also, I don't even remember seeing Joseph Gordon Levitt. Are they sure he was in this??


(side note: judging by how the pictures in each actor's credit collage related to their character, i.e. Marley Shelton plays the airline attendant, I'm going to go ahead and guess that Levitt is the porn star in the opening scene. Hm. Definitely did not catch that. Sneaky, Gutierrez! Very sneaky.)

Watched: Demolition Man

Things that are great/awful about Demolition Man:

• Sandra Bullock (who looks so pretty!) + fake future technology

  


• This guy.


• Dennis Leary as a villianous, angry mole person.


• Crazy antics from Wesley Snipes, who seems to be styled after Dennis Rodman


• Benjamin Bratt. Whose character name is... wait for it... ALFREDO GARCIA. YES.


• This lumenescent being.

• "He's evil in a way you've never read about! He's a criminal the likes of which you've never seen!"


• the three shells. poop humor!


• weird saturday morning cartoon idea of jazz/funk whenever snipes is on screen


• the fact that everything society once knew is supposed to have somehow completely changed in 40 years, to the point where they no longer know basic things about the 20th century


• the museum's armory is loaded. because they're idiots now, you see?


• schwarzenegger as president. terror.


• "the franchise wars".... WHAT.


• did I mention ALFREDO GARCIA? i am literally still laughing at that name. it is the perfect blend of TOTALLY INSULTING and hilarious.
  

Watched: Reign of Fire

In lieu of my usual commentary, I would like to rehash some of my real-time comments sent via text during the viewing of this film. They display the immediacy and accurate disbelief I experienced while watching what was perhaps one of the dumber dystopian films I've ever seen. And I REALLY like dystopian films.

• watching reign of fire. double dose: bale and butler!
• mccon-a-hey-i-want-my-money-back is a laugh a minute.
• the dialogue is SO bad kathleen. its so BAD. and bale is really really trying.

bale: if you try anything, i'll kill you.

hay: can i getcha name?

bale: quinn.

end scene.

• WTF! Bale just busted out a horse! They dont have enough food to feed their kids and they clearly havent showered in years but they can keep a healthy full figured horse around? No. Not okay, movie. Not okay.

bale: what are you doing here? whats your reason for being here?

obligatory hot female interest: you want to know anything, just ask.

end scene.

What the fuck? He DID ask! He just asked!

bale: youre standing on ground where Ive buried hundreds. this is my home. Im asking the questions. What are you doing here?

hay: i lead. you follow.

end scene.

Haha so hayhay and bale start fighting bc hay is recruiting men to go after the male dragon and before bale can even throw the first punch hays shirt is GONE. hilar.

• the dragons are apparently racist. Not a single black british character, and only one black american whose killed within minutes of introduction. Nice, movie. Real classy.

Hay: we have paid a terrible price. And now we have a chance to make a difference. (Nods to himself.) We will.

End scene.

• He just leaped into a dragons mouth. I repeat, hay just jumped off a tower ax first into a dragons mouth. That was the stupidest thing Ive ever seen. I fucking love this movie!

Gerard!
YIKES.

Watched: Mystery Science Theater 3000: Racket Girls

It's been a while since I've posted anything here, and naturally after watching a film as artfully thrilling and human as M, I wanted to make sure that my next movie was its emotional and technical equal.



That equal has been found.



Racket Girls. The lurid, seedy tale of female wrestlers and the gangsters who bet on them. Filled with absurdly long takes of women writhing and straining in front of what is very obviously a near-empty boxing hall, desite the soundtrack's attempts to provide screams from the crowd. A movie so cobbled together from failed takes that some of its dialogue is entirely uninteligible. As Crow observes during a particularly exploitative scene featuring the female star, Peaches Page, running in a sweater and short shorts alongside the highway, "When Ed Wood saw this it must have been like what Truffaut felt like when he saw Citizen Kane."

M who?

Yes, that is a shot of Leopard Girl from between the legs of Panther Woman, her opponent!


No one in this movie had apparently ever learned what to do with their arms. The boom mic can also be seen in the upper left corner.

... Just because.