Great
Shakey Graves song lyric, very apropos for the Thailand leg of Zach and my trip. Flying direct from Siem Reap to Phuket island, our destination, is not possible, so we had a layover of about two hours in Bangkok before moving on. Just enough time to get some food; although I was deeply tempted by the familiar, greasy smells wafting out of Burger King and McDonald's I was proud to resist and go for something a little more authentic: spring rolls. And a Hershey's chocolate bar because I'm not a saint or anything. They were delicious! While Zach went off to his royal feast with the Burger Monarch I made myself comfortable at our sub-arctic gate with my lunch and Don Quixote.
Later we checked into our adorable hostel and this happened.
Creep!
Some of beautiful old
Portuguese-influenced buildings we saw while walking around.
We also came across another Buddhist Center in our wanderings and looked around a bit inside, although there were monks worshiping inside this building which made me feel pretty awkward so we did not linger too long.
Just your average one-stop dumpling and medical supplies outlet. No biggie.
We ended up at the restaurant that our hostel's reception lady had recommended to us and I am very glad we chose it. The decor was amazing, it was like eating in your antiquing-obsessed aunt's cozy living room. Lots of yard sale gems littered everywhere. And the food was fantastic, we both went for curry as we were beyond excited for some of those delightful Thai flavors. I knew I should do seafood because Phuket, but for my money anyway, I figured I had a solid two more days to get my fill of seafood. On my first night in Thailand I wanted
kaeng khiao wan, dammit!
We ate dinner on a beautiful chessboard. So twee, so delightful.
My papaya salad had bacon in it and if my life had ended in that moment I would have died a happy woman. Paired with some
Singha lager, basically the national beer, this was the meal to beat in Thailand (although I would, later).
Hey there, nugget.
After we ate we felt ready to crash but tried to stave complete geriatric-ization by walking around a bit more until we stumbled onto this amazing night market. There were your standard stalls full of stuff from China and Cambodia but at the back there was also an entire parking lot full of food vendors making all sorts of delightful southern Thai delicacies.
Pancakes.
I see the lights, I see the party lights....
Little dumpling things.
Chimney cakes! Not really but these reminded me strongly of that Hungarian dessert,
kürtőskalács, that I used to see all over, especially during Christmastime.
Spring roll making skill status: mega-pro. This guy was churning them out, it was impressive to watch.
Fruit bags.
There's actually a decent-sized
Muslim population in southern Thailand so it did not surprise me to see women wearing the corresponding clothing, however I was still pleasantly surprised to see so much delicious Halal food at this market.
Dessert fruit ice cream stuff.
Later we passed through a 7-11 style shop looking for a few things and I couldn't resist checking out the Thai candy aisle.
Prognosis: too much durian, just the right amount of coconut.
There can never be enough of this.
Thingie.
Can you see the sign on the left? Their post office has a drive-thru!! Why not us?!
Cool art gallery, this
street had quite a few of them.
What's that I see across the street... Is that a... used book store? I think it is!
There is no escaping this scourge on humanity.
The grandest and Europeanest of all the grand and European old buildings we passed.
Again, we didn't want to feel like complete fogies so even though things were exceptionally quiet in this part of town (we were staying on the eastern side of Phuket island, whereas Phuket Town, located on the western side, is where the real party is... more on that later) we decided to duck into this Cheers-looking hangout, Michael's Bar, for one of the stranger and more awkward bar experiences of my life. It's hard to even recall all the details now but suffice to say there were multiple old white men fully living up the "old white man moves to Thailand to get himself a nice Thai bride and stays forever because the living is easy" cliche. And one tour guide, a somewhat effeminate man who later took a "ride" with one of said old white men in old white man's sports car. So. This was the first time on the trip that someone assumed Zach was my husband which was a pretty awkward moment for everyone involved.
The beer was cold, though.
STOP, in Thai.
Dear Thailand,
No. หยุด.
Sincerely,
Emily
The next day was an early one as we had a ferry to catch to Phi Phi island, and then another smaller boat to catch from the harbor there to our destination, Phi Phi Relax Resort! This is the part of the trip where Zach and I decided to drop some real cash because we're grown-ups who work long hours and we wanted to treat ourselves! Again, 100% worth it.
Zach was not anticipating this photo, and that was his first mistake.
It would also be his last. (Kidding.) ((OR AM I?!)) (((No, I am.)))
In the distance, an island approaches...
Once our ferry docked we had about an hour before the resort's "long tail" boat, similar to the ones seen parked below, would take us to our place. So Zach and I did what only made sense: stocked up on beer and snacks and soda (for me) and had a dockside picnic.
The water was so clear guys. That boat was not sitting on sand. IT WAS IN THE WATER.
Said long tails.
A long tail of our own. The ride to the resort took another 30 minutes or so.
It was only when we arrived to check in that I remembered something Zach had said about going deluxe AF and reserving the honeymoon bungalow. So that is a thing that then happened.
Oh brother.
Whaaaaaat.....???
He made us some delicious and beautiful gin and tonics and I thought to myself, in all seriousness, "Is this real life?"
The honeymoon bungalow came with a ton of perks like fresh fruit and coffee/tea delivered every morning (which would eventually bring the monkeys... more on that later....) and a bunch of free massages which I passed off to Zach. While he was enjoying those I took full advantage of the fact that the commute time from our bungalow to the beach was approximately 10 seconds.
What IS happening!?
Those storm clouds continued piling up off to the east throughout the day and although they got quite dark and a tiny bit closer, they never actually affected the island. Our weather stayed astoundingly gorgeous for the afternoon and following day. Which was in fact really lucky as we rolled the dice by going in low season (September), when this part of the world commonly experiences monsoons.
Zach's interpretative dance of how we both were feeling about our decision to come here was basically spot-on.
Playing with focus.
Later we walked over to the resort restaurant where we had an amazing dinner. I finally went for seafood as I got the special, which was basically a pile of fresh crab bits covered in curry paste. No joke, it took me about an hour and a half to eat all of it and it was one of the messiest/most delicious meals of my life.
Later after drinking some delicious cocktails and eating our food we stumbled back along the beach and saw some night crabs crabbin' around. This is about as good a photo as I could get of them.
When we arrived at the resort one of the employees had mentioned to us that we could watch them feed the monkeys who lived in the jungle behind the resort in the morning. I was up when he came around the next day to gather us for this exciting venture but Zach was not and did not seem inclined to wake up any time soon so I let him be.
Monkey family.
This guy was giving me some serious stink-eye.
We spent the rest of the day in complete chill-mode: Zach got some more massages, we rented some snorkel gear, did some swimming, ate a leisurely breakfast and lunch at the resort restaurant, napped/read/sweated on the beach. Basically a perfect vacation paradise day.
Although I didn't get any pictures of it I did have another encounter with the monkeys when one of them came onto our little bungalow porch, drawn by the smell of the fresh fruit we'd left out. He actually woke me up as I'd been napping on said porch and it was only when he pulled the entire plate of fruit off the table that I became aware of his presence! I was afraid of being bitten and was totally willing to let him take the fruit and run but then he went for my can of Pringles so I started chasing him. Well the defiant little bugger sat there in front of me, pulling the can apart and eating all of my chips while Zach, one of the resort employees and I shouted at him to stop, thief! He did not seem to feel any remorse for his deeds.
As we only had the following morning left to enjoy this place, Zach and I decided to go for broke and do the 40 minute hike up to the sunset viewpoint. It was a challenge for sure, although coming back down in the dark was worse, but again: worth it. The view was incredible.
Very cool swing carved from a tree trunk.
The place also seemed to be some kind of cat sanctuary. This little guy was my favorite.
Google was even kind enough to make a gif and my new best friend's and my sunset photo shoot. Thanks, Google!
Miss you, buddy.
The next day we headed back to Phuket island and grabbed a taxi to the eastern side of the island, where we were staying in Phuket town. I did not have much love for this place; it was like a sleazier Ocean City if Jersey legalized prostitution and catered more to Russian tourists. Not... great. Zach and I wandered around a bit and did some souvenir shopping, checked out the beach (it was fine, we witnessed some idiot drive his jet-ski not only into the swimming area but up on the beach, and basically the entire lifeguard staff justifiably freak out at him as a result), Zach went back to nap while I did some more shopping, we ate some super western food for lunch, meh. It was just not my scene. So many spas with people sitting out front calling at you, hawkers and barkers grabbing onto you, so many sweaty angry-looking tourists getting drunk everywhere. Meh.
Although we'd walked through what we assumed (from the extravagance of the bar decor) to be the main nightlife street during the day and planned to come back at night to witness the debauchery, I don't think Zach or I were really feeling it by the time it got dark. So instead we decided to double-down on the western-ness of this town and entered.... THE MALL. After perusing the approximately 7000 restaurants located inside the Phuket Town mall we settled on McDonald's and while we happily munched on our processed polysaturated fats and sipped our corn syrup we agreed there was no point stopping now, so afterwards we headed to catch a movie, Mission Impossible Whatever Number We're On Who Cares. I got a large popcorn to go with it because I don't play around, you guys.
I was also wearing those flowy pants with the elephants dancing across my ass because I was not feeling particularly compelled to impress anyone or be anything other than comfortable by that point.
Did you know that you have to stand up for the national anthem before watching a movie in Thailand? True fact. Also, while standing for said anthem a slideshow plays, or at least it did for us, of the king in a series of portraits with all the dogs he's owned over the years and candid publicity shots from his life as well. Fascinatingly weird, I know I was working doubletime not to break out into church giggles and after it had ended and the movie safely began, I laughed until I was in tears at the different-ness of the experience.
Later, after we'd watched Ethan extract himself once more from a seemingly intractable scenario, we decided to take a quick pass through the central debauchery zone and maybe grab one beer.
Then we actually walked through it, and we decided to go back to the hotel and never return to that place instead.
The next day we were up at a pretty reasonable hour to fly back to Bangkok where the plan had been to go out and explore for a few hours (Zach) and stay one night (me) but I was feeling the burn out from our week plus of traveling and rebooked my flight for that afternoon. At that point the thought of staying anywhere but in my own(ish) bed in Hanoi was anathema to me, and thankfully Zach was pretty understanding. Changing the flight only put me out $30.
I hate the overuse of the adjective "epic" these days because let's be real, that sandwich you just ate was not epic it was just gluttonous. But there is no other word that comes to mind for this statue in Bangkok's
Suvarnabhumi Airport Departures Terminal. This airport, by the way, is approximately one billion percent nicer than the older
Don Mueang Airport, which kind of reminded me of some bus stations I've traveled through in South America. Anyway, the statue is depicting the "Churning of the
Milk Ocean".
Devas (demigods) and
Asuras (demons) are basically playing tug-of-war on the body of a great
naga (snake) to churn the ocean which produces all sorts of fabulous shit, including
Amrita ("the nectar of immortality"). The story ends because eventually the
Dhanvantari (AKA Vishnu) is produced from the churning, carrying a pot of the Amrita so the Devas send the Asuras back to the Underworld now that they got that sweet, sweet Amrita. Devas, amiright?
So that was my time in Thailand. It was relaxing- beach- it was stressful- flights and sleazy beach towns. It was decadent - movies, restaurants, so much beer- it was... no it was just totally decadent, full stop. I wish I'd had it in me to explore Bangkok fully but thankfully I'll be heading back out that way for Tết holiday so I'll have a chance to have a redo. I'm so happy that Zach came out to visit and that we got to go on these fantastic adventures together. Now that we've managed to get ridiculous on three separate continents together (South America, North America, and Asia) I think it's only right that our next goal be to get outrageous together in Africa or Antartica. Because I'm never going to Australia. Or, I suppose, he could come visit me next year in Europe. But more on that later....
