Sunday, October 3, 2010

Watched: Legends of the Falls

1. The youngest brother enlists in the army to fight in WWI and the other brothers must go. No discussion. No, hey, I know we've been protecting this little terd our whole lives but he is like, at least in his late teens now and maybe he needs some sort of grip on reality. Also, his fiancee is the one who convinces her to go. Does anyone say, hey fiancee, tell him not to go? Of course not.

2. Brad Pitt then blames himself for obvious and inevitable death of younger brother resulting in him going home to sleep with brother's fiancée then run away for a while to travel the world? Or something? Whatever. I hated the "can't be tamed" plot device because Brad Pitt is not really that a strong of an actor in this and he comes off more as solipsistic and spoiled than wild. Stupid.

3. What's her face then married Aiden Quinn. Right choice, if you ask me, which you didn't but I'm going to tell you anyway. Quinn is definitely the hottest brother. But oh! Is she really happy with the prosperous, honorable brother who asked to marry her and is in love with her instead of the jackass that slept with her then ran away, never bothered to write except to say "Marry another", and then returns to expect her still waiting?

4. Of course not. So she kills herself because she can't have a baby and she hates her life and Brad Pitt has 2 babies with the Native American woman that he knew as a little girl (...little grossed out by that...) who he has now married. Funny how she turned into a beautiful woman from a prepubescent child while he was away and he is still.... 30? 35? Serious makeup fail. I get that he's still supposed to be hot but honestly that just made the whole grossness of him marrying her worse.

5. Native American woman dies because Brad Pitt is a jackass who thinks all of a sudden that he's the smart one (he's not) and tried to get into the bootlegging business. So some dude accidentally shoots her while trying to send Pitt a message.

6. I don't even remember what happens after this point. Anthony Hopkins dies at some point. Oh and Aiden Quinn and Hopkins have a falling out because Quinn wants to be a politician and Hopkins doesn't like his sponsors or something? Oh, honestly. I've spent way too much time typing up all these stupid plot points as is.

7. This movie has a decent score from James Horner and some great scenic shots but the drama is SO overwrought, predictable, and the characters so one-note that I was fairly bored. I don't remember anyone's name because who cares. I know it ends with Pitt dying as an old man in a fight with a bear (maybe the one he stabbed as a kid?) which was fine, I guess. I don't know. I'm too overwhelmed with my apathy for this movie to consider it further.



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