Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Watched: Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter

Just... so dumb. If you, as a movie maker, are going to make a movie that asks me to both go along on a thrilling, "scary", action-packed, vampire hunting flick (that, as they mostly do these days runs entirely on slo-mo, post-production filters, CGI, and cliches), and also to watch several sequences of semi-heartfelt consideration over the casualties of the Civil War/southern plantation system/political deliberations of the Union government at that time... I, as a movie watcher, am going to tell you to go fuck yourself.

Turns out you can't have it all, Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter. Not even with Rufus Sewell as your bad guy.

P.S. No one needed to see young Abraham Lincoln shirtless, and you're not doing yourself any favors by trying to make him some attractive hottie young actor guy. Gross, movie. He's a national hero, not a Tiger Beat heart throb. Just stop.

P.P.S. I'm not a civil engineer or what have you so I will say that the train/bridge sequence was at least somewhat fun. Even if it too was stupid and seemed unlikely. Now I'm just looking for reasons to hate you but that's just the way it crumbles, cookiewise, movie.



 STOP. NO.
 McPoyle!
 Wash!
 TERRIBLE JOB, MOVIE. NOT EVEN SLIGHTLY CONVINCING.

Best part of the whole thing, and even this was highly derivative and ultimately not that great.

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