Anathema.

Things I'm fairly convinced have been brought into existence solely for the purpose of annoying me:

• Eggs-travaganza. As far as ovarian-related puns can go, you can do a lot better.


• Spring weather. Sunny? Rainy? That's fine. JUST PICK ONE.


• The fratboy mentality. Who taught you it was okay to yell at me from your porch? To me, it means one of two things. 1. You're a douchebag. You find me unattractive or annoying or offensive somehow, and the most articulate expression of this feeling you can muster is some unintelligible grunt from the safety of your moldy porch-couch. 2. You're a super douchebag. You think I'm cute and you are so unimpressively unimaginative as to think that yelling at any girl, at any time, is really going to reel in a winner. You know who you will attract? Drunk idiots. So get back to me on Friday nights, and maybe we can chat and I can attempt to mock your belligerently drunk self to your face while drinking your beer. Otherwise, I can't wait until you graduate and begin your slow descent into middle management and male pattern baldness.


• Structurally unsound clothing/shoes. I'm very hard on my shoes and clothes. I give them a lot of abuse, and I expect them to take it and like it.


• Pop quizzes.


• The lack of Daily Show/Colbert Report on Sunday nights.


• On the back of that, the fact that Sundays are never considered weeknights. WHY? Is there not school the next day? Does it not count because it's a Monday and everyone hates that day anyway? Is this just another wonderful bonus of living in a predominantly Judeo-Christian society? Because I will happily give that up if it means I get five episodes of fake news per week instead of four.


• People who don't answer professional emails. I'm a mere student and I hate emailing, talking on the phone, and texting and yet I am still quicker at returning all three types of communication than the majority of Rutgers employees. You people suck. Answer my emails. Do it. Answer them. ANSWER THEM, DAMMIT!


• My mother. In the best-intentioned and most well-meaning way possible. But still.


• Hair. Specifically, hair in that you-obviously-cut-it-off-and-now-are-waiting-for-it-to-get-back-to-normal length that mine seems to stay at for years on end.

What is kind of awesome, however, is taking a massive nap in the middle of the afternoon and effectively sleeping through an entire party. What is actually awesome is Sense & Sensibility, and last but not least, what is completely superduper awesome is getting the okay for my proposal idea.