There is just absolutely no reason to watch this. The ONLY reason I watched it is because of my never-ending love for the always impeccable performances of Michael Fassbender, even when he is in ridiculous crap. But even he cannot redeem and barely rises above this reeking puddle of stupid, stagnant pond water. And we only get to see his handsome face for about five minutes during the prologue, before he turns into the slimy, horse-riding, flesh-eating leatherface picture below.
And if you are for some (understandable) reason also a Fass-natic (yes/no? Good slang? new name for the fandom?) you can watch the only worthwhile scene here. Warning: he plays a Nazi! Yikes! Also there is a younger Henry Cavill in this who is not very great. He's okay but not reason enough to watch this. To repeat: there is no reason to watch this. There is also a man who I am pretty sure was in that TV show Prison Break but I do not care enough to confirm that! Sorry! I was just really disgusted that I sat through all of this when it was just so incredibly dumb!
One last thing: it should come as no surprise to anyone familiar with his body of work that Blood Creek is directed by my favorite punching bag, Joel Schumacher. Schumacher, who I have previously mocked for D.C. Cab, Flatliners, Falling Down, and (although not on this blog) his disastrous forays into the Batman anthology. He of the Bat Nipples, of the late 80's oh-so-justified white male rage, he of the terrifically cheesy love stories that seem to have little to no understanding of the way in which human beings actually behave in any vague resemblance to reality as we know it. He is both my best friend and my worst enemy, because the stupidity of his movies (I feel) drive my mockery to new heights and my sanity to new lows. He is both my curse, and my salvation.
Long live the Schumacher!
Or
Down with the Schumacher!
I really can't decide which.
(Okay, obviously, in the service of the story I understand why they did it. BUT LOOK AT HIS FACE. C'MON.)
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