Watched: Constantine (2005)

Really cool and very helpful opening text. Who said this? Oh, it doesn't matter? Oh, this is made more or less obvious in the opening scene when a Mexican man finds the sword buried in a Nazi flag beneath a burned out church and doesn't need this clumsily-written, very stupid introduction? Cool cool cool, we're off to a great start.

I remember when Constantine came out, I was in high school and I'm pretty sure I saw it in the theater. It's mostly significant to me for stoking my love of Tilda Swinton, who I had seen in Thumbsucker and who I knew was going to be in The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. She's fantastic in her small role her as a deranged and self-destructive Gabriel.

Keanu is... not fantastic. When you're in a scene with the lead singer of Bush and he manages to, in his cringe-worthy over-the-top way, out-act you... you're in trouble. Rachel Weisz doesn't have a lot to do but she does her best to breathe a little life into her psychic damsel in distress. Her character is given some agency early in the story, as she is a police officer and she is actively seeking the cause of her twin sister's suicide... but soon enough she ends up possessed by the son of the devil (as you do) and it's up to our supposed anti-hero Constantine to save her. Honestly Keanu does alright when Constantine is not required to do much but smoke and glower or spout vague, cynical observations about the world but as soon as the movie requires him to show a little anger his shortcomings are hard to miss. Again, Gavin Rossdale playing a demon has more facial expressions. 

This was a cool scene though. The movie is full of cool scenes and if only the plot didn't tie itself in knots to make Constantine both the good guy and the morally ambiguous guy. Which is not even that ambiguous unless you're a crazy hardliner Catholic.

Subtle.

So subtle. So much subtle imagery.

Maybe one of the coolest set-pieces of the film. Good thing they made an action figure out of it.

Yep. Yep yep yep.

SOOOO SUBTLE!!1!!

Hey, baby Michelle Monaghan! This is like blink-and-you-miss-it, she's in the demon mob that gather in the hospital towards the end of the film to witness the... emergence? of Satan's son. 

There are a few weird continuity issues related to Constantine's blood and his wounds towards the end that really irked me but I was eager to finish the film and didn't stop to record them. Mostly that the spread of his blood seems to go advance and retreat, that his slit wrists impede and then don't impede control of his finger movement, that the blood itself looks like raspberry jam (in 2005). There's also, to my mind, the EXTREMELY convoluted negotations between Constantine, the devil, his son, Gabriel, and God that are just like... okay. This is not... great. But I do like the imagery of Keanu being pulled towards heaven and snootily giving Peter Stormare's Lucifer the finger until he grabs a hold of him in like a loving embrace to pull him back. That was pretty good. Actually all of Stormare's performance is great but then again what would you expect? Good movie, bad movie, the guy is a pro.